General Discussions > Anything goes...
Joke & Riddle thread
Ashlee:
:lol: here is one, its kind of old but its a bit funny
A guy walks into a bar on top of a ski skraper. He sits down next to a buff looking guy who looks like he had a little more booze than he can handle.
The buff guy looks at the bar tender and then at him and says
`'hey, did you know that this building is constructed in such a way that if I was to jump out the window and the wind would glide me safely to the ground.” The man, who decided he could use a laugh said, 'prove it.'[/i]
So the guy walks over to the window and jumps out. A few minutes later he walks back into the bar and says, 'told ya.'
He looks at the bar tender who is shaking his head and laughing, and says, 'do that again.' So he does it again. Now the man is astonished. So he walks out to the window and jumps out and falls 100 stories to his death.
The bar tender looks at the buff man and says, 'you know, you are a real a**hole when you're drunk, Superman”
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Also here a joke. It gave me a couple of laughs
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"
Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
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I'll put some blonde jokes on later. I'm a blonde, so I heard them all. :lol:
Tenkuuken:
OMG I'm trying my best to read all of the jokes without breaking my chair to smithereens XD....
I think I'll look for my own jokes too.
EDIT: Here's one I got from my brother...
A little boy fawns over his pregnant mom:
Boy: Mom, I wonder what's inside your tummy?
Mom: Well, pretty soon you're going to have a new playmate. Can you guess who it is?
Boy: A new playmate? Then it's probably either a kitten or a puppy.
Ashlee:
:lol: here are some of my favorite blonde jokes. And they are true, well they are true about me.
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Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"
To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."
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The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.
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John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."
Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."
So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."
And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."
Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!"
The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"
Jessica replied, "only when he's drunk."
monkey:
--- Quote from: Ashlee on April 29 2006, 12:10 am ---:lol: here are some of my favorite blonde jokes. And they are true, well they are true about me.
--- End quote ---
Blondes do have more fun... But they also have more VD.
Ashlee:
--- Quote from: VexNet on April 29 2006, 12:13 am ---Blondes do have more fun... But they also have more VD.
--- End quote ---
:lol: Very funny :P
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