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Joke & Riddle thread

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monkey:

--- Quote from: Ashlee on April 29 2006, 12:49 am ---:lol: Very funny :P

--- End quote ---
funny, but true :P

Ashlee:
Here is another joke. VexNet maybe you can post some. By the sounds of it, you have some good blonde jokes :lol: or any jokes.

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released.

The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first.

"Tell me," said he, "if we release you, as we are considering doing, what do you intend to do with your life?'

The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped put me here. If I am released, I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful."

"Marvelous," said the head of the institution.

"Or else," ruminated the inmate. "I might teach. There is something to be said for spending one's life in bringing up a new generation of scientists."

"Absolutely," said the head.

"Then again, I might write. There is considerable need for books on science for the general public. Or I might even write a novel based on my experiences in this fine institution."

"An interesting possibility," said the head.

"And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle." :hello2:

kudan:
Just remembered some and I'm rephrasing them since I forgot where I heard them from...
Girl: Am I pretty or ugly?
Boy: I'm not so sure... But you look pretty ugly.

A lady carrying her bady boarded a bus. The driver looked at the baby and said:" That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." Furious, the lady stomped to the back to the bus. A man saw her looking so upset, and asked her what happened. The lady replied:" The driver insulted me." The man said:" How dare he! I think you should go and demand an explaination from him. Here, let me take care of your monkey."

monkey:
one of my fav quick Bill Bailey jokes:

This joke is set in present day.
3 women go into a pub (yeah)
the first woman says "Hurrah, We've just colonised a male dominated joke format!"
The second woman says "eh, look at the arse on that one. Bring on the pints" she was a 90's woman, outspoken and strong.
The third woman says "Here look at my big tits"
The first woman says "ah, but it's a hollow victory, since it's still a bloke telling this joke"

Ashlee:
I kind of don't get it..............wait..............nope. .......its going to come to me soon.......

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