Joke & Riddle thread

[Ashlee]

I got a email, asking for this thread to become a Joke & Riddle thread. So I change it. Because riddles are kind of likes jokes. So put your riddles here & Jokes ^_^

New Rules
Ok, to make this fair for every one. Put your answers for the Riddles in a spoiler. It will be a much better way for views to read the riddles and not worry about seeing or reading the answer.

[spoiler ] put your answer here [/ spoiler]
*Remove the spaces in the spoiler

[kudan]

Three man stay at a hotel for the night. The innkeeper charges $30 per room per night. The men rent one room; each pays $10. The hotel porter leads the man to their room. Later, the innkeeper discovers he has overcharged the men and asks the porter to return $5 to them. On the way upsairs, the porter realises that $5 can't be spilt evenly among three men, so he decides to keep $2 for himself and return $1 to each man.
At this point, the three men have paid $9 each, totalling $27 and the porter has $2, which adds up to $29.
Where did the 30th dollar go?

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The mistake is in how the $30 is accounted for. The $2 that the porter has is part of the $27 the men have paid. A correct accounting of the money is that the $27 was paid and $3 has not, totalling $30.

[monkey]

Three man stay at a hotel for the night. The innkeeper charges $30 per room per night. The men rent one room; each pays $10. The hotel porter leads the man to their room. Later, the innkeeper discovers he has overcharged the men and asks the porter to return $5 to them. On the way upsairs, the porter realises that $5 can't be spilt evenly among three men, so he decides to keep $2 for himself and return $1 to each man.
At this point, the three men have paid $9 each, totalling $27 and the porter has $2, which adds up to $29.
Where did the 30th dollar go?

Show content

The mistake is in how the $30 is accounted for. The $2 that the porter has is part of the $27 the men have paid. A correct accounting of the money is that the $27 was paid and $3 has not, totalling $30.

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That's actually incorrect.
5$ was taken out of 30$. 30-5=25
The 5 dollars was split into 5 seperately
each man given 1$ making that 3. 25+3=28.
The 2$ the porter kep makes that 30. 28+2=30.
not all 3 men have been given back what they paid for.
This riddle would work if it the three men were paid back only 0.67$.. but it is not.

The person who came up with that I assume was just bad with math.

[kudan]

Show content

That's actually incorrect.
5$ was taken out of 30$. 30-5=25
The 5 dollars was split into 5 seperately
each man given 1$ making that 3. 25+3=28.
The 2$ the porter kep makes that 30. 28+2=30.
not all 3 men have been given back what they paid for.
This riddle would work if it the three men were paid back only 0.67$.. but it is not.

The person who came up with that I assume was just bad with math.

I guess so... But it came from a book called "1000 of the World's Greatest Brainbusters" 0.o (Irony?)

[Ashlee]

Show content

That's actually incorrect.
5$ was taken out of 30$. 30-5=25
The 5 dollars was split into 5 seperately
each man given 1$ making that 3. 25+3=28.
The 2$ the porter kep makes that 30. 28+2=30.
not all 3 men have been given back what they paid for.
This riddle would work if it the three men were paid back only 0.67$.. but it is not.

The person who came up with that I assume was just bad with math.

that is true

I guess so... But it came from a book called "1000 of the World's Greatest Brainbusters" 0.o (Irony?)

I remember that book. Its one of my teacher's favorites

[monkey]

I guess so... But it came from a book called "1000 of the World's Greatest Brainbusters" 0.o (Irony?)

LOL!! woo I caught out the book XD

[Ashlee]

OK here is a kind of funny one, but a little lame

How many letters are in the alphabet?

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There are 11 letters in "THE ALPHABET" Did you say 26?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What row of numbers comes next?
This is a tough one!
1
11
21
1211
111221
312211
13112221

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The next row is
1113213211
Starting with the second line, every line describes the line before it. In writing, it is:
One One
Two Ones
One Two One One
etc.
etc.

[monkey]

What row of numbers comes next?
This is a tough one!
1
11
21
1211
111221
312211
13112221

Show content

The next row is
1113213211
Starting with the second line, every line describes the line before it. In writing, it is:
One One
Two Ones
One Two One One
etc.
etc.

that one is really clever

[kudan]

More riddles.
Everyday, Tom tied two sacks of salt to the back of his donkey and headed to market to sell it. On the way, they passed a stream, and one day, the donkey jumped in to cool himself. As a result, a lot of the salt dissolved into the water, ruining the salt for Tom, but making the donkey's load a lot lighter. The donkey got wise to this and the following day he jumped in the stream again, and the next day, and the next.. Tom knew he had to teach the donkey a new lesson, but what could he do to make sure the donkey stayed out of the water in the future?

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Tom must load the sacks not with salt but with sponges. When the donkey jumps in the stream and gets the sacks wet, they'll get heavier.

An explorer was once captured by a tribe whose chief decided that the man should die. However, the chief was a reasonable man and gave the explorer a choice: the explorer was to make a single statement. If it was true, he would be thrown off the cliff. If it was false, he would be eaten by lions. What clever statement did the explorer make that forced the chief to let him go?

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The explorer made the statement, "I will be killed by loins." If the chief feeds him to the lions, his statement will be true, so he should have been thrown off the cliff. But if he is thrown off the cliff, his statement will have been false. The chief had to let the explorer go.

[Ashlee]

Retirement Thoughts

If you are (like most of us) putting money in investments for your future retirement days, here is my suggestion for possible investment strategies.

If you had bought $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00
With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00
With Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00 left

After calculating this portfolio that started with an initial $3,000.00. Investment your new portfolio balance would equal approx. $70.50

However if you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser  (the beer,
 not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then returned the cans
for the deposit you would have $214.00 (refund .10 cents per can in Michigan)

Based on the above, my current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is my new retirement program, I call it my 401keg program.

Please not that the above is not necessarily sound advice but it could be fun advice…take it with a grain of salt or a couple pickled eggs…

P.S Children, please don't follow or listen to this. Its just a joke 

[kudan]

Some student and teacher jokes

Teacher: Can anyone tell me what is 7 times 6?
Student: 42!
Teacher: Smart boy! That is correct. Now can anyone tell me what is 6 times 7?
Same student: 24!

Teacher asking a student: What is the most common 3 word sentence all students use?
Student: I don't know
Teacher: Correct

Student: The teacher scolded me for something I didn't do - my homework

Teacher: Give me three reasons why the world is round
Pupil: Well my dad says so, my mum says so and you say so.

Teacher: Name four members of the cat family
Pupil: Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens.

[kudan]

More riddles. ^^

Two men were talking about their families. "How many kids do you have?" Mr. Brown asked Mr. White. "I have three," Mr.White replied. "What are their ages?" asked Mr. Brown. Mr White answered, "Let's see how good your maths is. Multiply their three ages and you get 36, add their three ages and you get 13, and two of them are twins." Mr. Brown thought for a moment, and then said, "My maths is pretty good, but I get two possible answers." "My oldest child is a girl," said Mr. White. Then Mr. Brown was able to come up with the correct answer. How is that possible?

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The only two sets of three numbers that multiply together to make 36 and add up to 13 are 9,2,2 and 6,6,1. Mr. Brown knew that 9, 2, 2 was the correct set when he found out that the single child was older than the two twins

You have 9 marbles, 8 that weigh 1 ounce each, and one that weighs 1.1 ounces. The marbles are all the same size and look identical. You have a set of scales that contain 2 trays. You are able to use the scale only twice. How do you work out which marble is the heaviest?

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Place 3 marbles on each tray. If the scales don't balance, place one marble on each tray from the heavier tray. The heavier tray is the 1.1 ounce marble, unless they balance, then the 3rd marble from the heavier tray is the 1.1 ounce marble. If the marbles balance the first time, place any 2 of the remaining unweighed marbles on the trays, one on each tray. If one is heavier, it is the heavier marble, but if they balance, the remaining unweighed marble is the heavier one.

And I posted this flash video on the plug board before, but I don't think anyone noticed it... ^^; I think it is funny enough to be posted here, so here it is. xD
http://img70.imageshack.us/img70/4083/4friendsnafly9kp.swf
Side note: The black guy is speaking in a Chinese dialect called "Hokkien".

[kudan]

Riddles. ^^
What is the smallest number of cars that can be driven in this formation: two cars in front of a car, two cars behind a car, and a car between two cars?

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Three: one car in front, one in the middle, and one behind

If you start with the number one and use only whole numbers, how far do you have to count before you need to use the letter "a" in spelling out a number?

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One thousand

This sentense contains two mistakes.
What are the mistakes?

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First mistake: the second "s" in the word "sentense" chould be a "c".
Second mistake: There is only one mistake in the sentence.

[kudan]

Seems like I'm the only one posting here... ^^;

Riddles. XD
A cop was walking past a restaurant when he heard someone scream - "No John, not the gun!" He ran inside and saw a doctor, a lawyer, a milkman, and a dead body on the floor. He promptly walked over to the milkman and arrested him. He didn't witness the shooting, there was no apparent evidence to prove who shot the person, and no one told him who the killer was. How did the policman instantly know it was the milkman?

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The milkman was the only male present. The doctor and lawyer were females, so the cop knew that "John" was the milkman.

A man was found shot dead in his study. He was slumped over his desk and a gun was in his hand. There was a cassette recorder on his desk. When the police entered the room and pressed the play button on the tape recorder they heard, "I can't go on. I have nothing to leave for." Then there was the sound of a gunshot. How did the detective immediately know that the man had been murdered?

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The cassette had started at the begining of the man's statement. Who would have rewound it?

[kudan]

Me again... 0.o
This time, no riddles from me, but 101 riddles from this website. XD
http://www.totallytricky.co.uk/riddle/ame.php
Nope, they aren't as hard as those I posted, and are WAY more fun to play. ^^ (Highly addictive, I tell you. XD)
The aim of this riddle game is simple: get to the end !
All you have to do is change the URL (the link in the address bar) in such a way to get to the next level.
On almost ALL of the levels, you edit the part before .php and after the last slash.
E.g.
http://www.totallytricky.co.uk/riddle/blahblah.php
If your answer for that page is "answer", you change the "blahblah" part to "answer", so the url will look like this:
http://www.totallytricky.co.uk/riddle/answer.php
If it is the correct answer, it will direct you to the next level and so on. 101 levels in this riddle game, I'm stuck on level 42. XD Pm me or post here if you are stuck on any levels. (Hopefully, someone goes beyond me so I can ask for help!! XD) Or better, you can visit their own forums here:
http://tricky01.proboards52.com/
but you'll need to be a member to view and post on the forums.

[Ashlee]

Those are good ones

I guess there is not much people posting here, eh

[kudan]

A video of a parody version on how Japanese learn English. (Nope, they don't speak bad about Japanese or any other race.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plSfKHZZwZ4
The students are given this video to watch on how you are supposed to pronounce certain English words and I don't know why, but they get whipped if they laugh. 0.o (Eh, watch the video and you'll know what I mean.) Maybe it came from a Japanese variety show? (Maybe)
Sidenote: The last guy to be whipped is coincidentally called Yamazaki. (You know, the one who rarely opens his eyes from CCS? XD)

[Razeasha]

My friend just e-mailed these to me:
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
GEORGE W. BUSH

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is
either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

AL GORE

I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
crossing the road represented the application of these two different
functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring
greater services to the American people.

RALPH NADER

The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted
by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the
unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed
by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN

To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH

I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was
getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out
there is already forming a support group to help chickens with
crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this
can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their
tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money,
money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

JERRY FALWELL

Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the
plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other
side." That's what they call it-the other side. Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I
say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the
other side."

DR. SEUSS

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road. But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told
us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its
life-long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON

Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX

It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

VOLTAIRE

I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the
death its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN

What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens
have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES

I have just released eChicken 03, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook
and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

MARTHA STEWART

No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

ALBERT EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
Could you define chicken, please?

THE BIBLE

And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou
shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was
much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS

I missed one?

[kudan]

Glad to see I'm not the only one posting here. ^^;; Recieved this email from my sister.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'that's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

[moezychan]

Lol; so funny kudan-chan! I especially love the one about the whale!

Those remind me of this story.

One day a minister saw a cat caught in a tree in his backyard. The cat was too high for him to reach so he got his car, and a rope. He tied one end of the rope to the tree and the other end to his car. He lightly pressed the gas peddle occasionally glancing back at the tree and the cat. All of a sudden the rope broke, and the tree snapped back sending the cat flying in the air. The minister felt horrible, but did the sign of the cross and said, "Lord, I leave this cat up to your will," and moved on with his life.

Later that week, the minister was shopping at a grocery store and saw one of his parishiners. He walked up to talk to her, and saw that she had a bag of cat food in her shopping cart. He knew for a fact that she hated cats; curious he asked, "I thought you hated cats. Why do you have a bag of cat food?"

The lady answered, "My daughter has been constantly asking me to get her a cat, and I told her no, but she still insisted so I told her, 'If God gives you a cat, you can have it.' "

Well, her daughter went out to their front yard, got down on her knees and prayed that God would give her a cat. As soon as she did this, the cat that was sent flying from the tree landed in front of her!

Here's the freaky part; this is a TRUE story!