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Joke & Riddle thread

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Ashlee:
:lol: Those are good ones

I guess there is not much people posting here, eh

kudan:
A video of a parody version on how Japanese learn English. (Nope, they don't speak bad about Japanese or any other race.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plSfKHZZwZ4
The students are given this video to watch on how you are supposed to pronounce certain English words and I don't know why, but they get whipped if they laugh. 0.o (Eh, watch the video and you'll know what I mean.) Maybe it came from a Japanese variety show? (Maybe)
Sidenote: The last guy to be whipped is coincidentally called Yamazaki. :) (You know, the one who rarely opens his eyes from CCS? XD)

Razeasha:
My friend just e-mailed these to me:
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
GEORGE W. BUSH

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is
either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

AL GORE

I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
crossing the road represented the application of these two different
functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring
greater services to the American people.

RALPH NADER

The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted
by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the
unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed
by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN

To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH

I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was
getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out
there is already forming a support group to help chickens with
crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this
can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their
tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money,
money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

JERRY FALWELL

Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the
plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other
side." That's what they call it-the other side. Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I
say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the
other side."

DR. SEUSS

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road. But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told
us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its
life-long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON

Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX

It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

VOLTAIRE

I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the
death its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN

What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens
have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES

I have just released eChicken 03, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook
and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

MARTHA STEWART

No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

ALBERT EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
Could you define chicken, please?

THE BIBLE

And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou
shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was
much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS

I missed one?

kudan:
Glad to see I'm not the only one posting here. ^^;; Recieved this email from my sister. :XD:

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'that's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

moezychan:
Lol; so funny kudan-chan! I especially love the one about the whale!

Those remind me of this story.

One day a minister saw a cat caught in a tree in his backyard. The cat was too high for him to reach so he got his car, and a rope. He tied one end of the rope to the tree and the other end to his car. He lightly pressed the gas peddle occasionally glancing back at the tree and the cat. All of a sudden the rope broke, and the tree snapped back sending the cat flying in the air. The minister felt horrible, but did the sign of the cross and said, "Lord, I leave this cat up to your will," and moved on with his life.

Later that week, the minister was shopping at a grocery store and saw one of his parishiners. He walked up to talk to her, and saw that she had a bag of cat food in her shopping cart. He knew for a fact that she hated cats; curious he asked, "I thought you hated cats. Why do you have a bag of cat food?"

The lady answered, "My daughter has been constantly asking me to get her a cat, and I told her no, but she still insisted so I told her, 'If God gives you a cat, you can have it.' "

Well, her daughter went out to their front yard, got down on her knees and prayed that God would give her a cat. As soon as she did this, the cat that was sent flying from the tree landed in front of her!

Here's the freaky part; this is a TRUE story!

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