General Discussions > Anything goes...
Joke & Riddle thread
Jeannette:
Here's a few of my favorite jokes:
A man wrote ten puns and sent them to his depressed friend to cheer him up. No pun in ten did.
What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
wingless_godess:
haw haw the first was my favorite i got one but you kinda hafta say it out loud to get it
how do you fit an elephant on the subway?...take the s out of sub and then f out of way
(and then the person you tell it too will go "there's no F in way"
Ralea:
--- Quote from: Ashlee on April 21 2006, 03:57 am ---Well, I was looking around. And I notic we have a quote thread, last song thread, and things like that. Why not have a topic on jokes that make you laugh. :lol: If this topic has already been done, you can just delete it. I'll go first. My teacher sent this one to me. Its really funny.
First grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is classic!
1. Don't change horses...... ......until they stop running.
2. Strike while the...... ......bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before...... ......Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of...... ......termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but...... ......how?
6. Don't bite the hand that...... ......looks dirty.
7. No news...... .......impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a...... ......Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new...... ......math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll...... ......stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust...... ......me.
12. The pen is mightier than the...... ......pigs.
13. An idle mind is...... ......the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's...... ......pollution.
15. Happy the bride who...... ......gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is...... ......not much.
17. Two's company, three's...... ......the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what...... ......you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you cry and...... .....you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as...... ......Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not...... ......spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed...... ......get new batteries.
23.You get out of something only what you...... ......see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind...... ......get out of the way.
And the WINNER and last one..........are you ready for this?
25. Better late than............ ............pregnant.
Do you have any funny jokes?
--- End quote ---
LOLZ, here's a few more. Again, from children trying hopelessly to look for answers.
Give one thing you learned in Geometry.
It teaches us to bisex angels.
Where was the declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Who was sorry when the prodigal son returned?
The fattened pig.
moezychan:
--- Quote from: Ralea on April 21 2006, 09:40 am ---Give one thing you learned in Geometry.
It teaches us to bisex angels.
Where was the declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Who was sorry when the prodigal son returned?
The fattened pig.
--- End quote ---
That reminds me of something a child said on "Kids Say the Darndest Things with Bill Cosby"
Bill Cosby was showing some past episodes of "Art Linkletter's House party" where Art asked a little boy if he knew of the story of the wedding that didn't have wine in the Bible. The little boy said he did, and Art then asked the little boy if he knew the parabol to the story.
They boy said, "Yes, when you run out of wine, get on your knees and pray"
I found that so funny!
kudan:
--- Quote from: Jeannette on April 21 2006, 08:50 am ---What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
--- End quote ---
Oh, I saw this in Okamirei-chan's msn avatar before! I was wondering what will happen too... Maybe you are left with 1/4 of your life? Since 1 time 1/2 times 1/2 again is 1/4. :)
A couple of jokes I recieved from my friends through email...
Three men were stranded on an uninhabited island. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles to the next island, which was inhabited. The first men was so determined to get home that he tried to swim. He made it 50 miles, got tired, and drowned. Then another man tried. He made it 75 miles, but got tired and he too drowned. The last man thought he could make it all the way, so he started
swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he swam all the way back to the island.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out the beast in me." "So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of a mouse?"
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." "So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.... "HEBREWS"...
Once there was a train, which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks. Suddenly the train deviated from the tracks, went into the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified. At the next railway station the driver was arrested. He was questioned why he went off and then came back on the tracks. He explained that there was a man standing on the tracks who did not move even after blowing the horn, flashing the lights etc. The authorities questioned:" Are you mad! Just to save the life of one person you put the lives of so many passengers in danger. You should have run that person over." The driver said:" That is exactly what I had decided, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train got real close."
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