Topic: Runaway (Read 16008 times)

FanFiction Bot · « **on:** April 28 2006, 01:00 pm »

This post is for discussion of the fan-fiction:

Runaway

Story Description:

Sakura is fighing an evil elemental sorceror S&S; possible E+T

Hack · « **Reply #1 on:** April 28 2006, 01:02 pm »

good job, moezychan
you have a great writing skill!!

bie liao · « **Reply #2 on:** April 28 2006, 01:15 pm »

moezy-chan, sugoi! Its a great opening chapter, really captured my interest.

moezychan · « **Reply #3 on:** April 29 2006, 07:39 am »

Thank you; I'm glad you like it. ^_^

suu_no_clover · « **Reply #4 on:** April 29 2006, 10:15 am »

Kyaaa! S+S!

Oooh. Syaoran in the shower. *drools*

Whee. Syaoran-kun to the rescue.Â Will he make it in time? Or find her trapped in the clutches of this strange antagonist? Or worse.... *mutters sinister angsty thoughts to herself* O_o Oh dear. I'm rambling again.

Just one odd point - A seventh grader in high school? Japanese high schools don't start until 10th grade. ^_^;;

Moon · « **Reply #5 on:** April 29 2006, 10:18 am »

It's very well done, Moezy-chan. I can't wait for more! ^_^

moezychan · « **Reply #6 on:** April 29 2006, 10:31 am »

Quote from: suu_no_clover on April 29 2006, 10:15 am

Kyaaa! S+S! Oooh. Syaoran in the shower. *drools* Whee. Syaoran-kun to the rescue.Â Will he make it in time? Or find her trapped in the clutches of this strange antagonist? Or worse.... *mutters sinister angsty thoughts to herself* O_o Oh dear. I'm rambling again.

Just one odd point - A seventh grader in high school? Japanese high schools don't start until 10th grade. ^_^;;

Oh gomenÂ

the Japanese school system is confusing to me. Do you have any ideas on Japanese middle school names? I'll change it if you can. Arigatou.Â

And thanks for the compliment! And a little spoiler

Show content

I will be making this a little angstyÂ

Quote from: Moon Hime on April 29 2006, 10:18 am

It's very well done, Moezy-chan. I can't wait for more! ^_^

Arigatou Moon-chan!

Arcademan · « **Reply #7 on:** April 29 2006, 10:38 pm »

Read you story and it's done extremely well. Great use of detail and storyline set-ups...great stuff.

Some side notes...as already noted elsewhere, high school and 7th grade doesn't go well. Also you should aviod personal comments during the story itself (like when you mentioned Touya going to Tokyo University contradicts the facts because it's YOUR fanfic) and similar notes should either be explained as part of the story itself or in the comments section here. It only detracts needlessly from the story.

A big plus is the fact you took time to give a summary of all the major characters at the start of the story. This helps set the scene where and when the story is taking place.

A great start to a great story. I look forward to the next installment however pace yourself and take your time and not rush it. As mentioned by others and by your Christmas story, you have great writing skills. Best of luck, Moezy-chan

moezychan · « **Reply #8 on:** April 30 2006, 03:07 am »

Quote from: Arcademan on April 29 2006, 10:38 pm

Read you story and it's done extremely well. Great use of detail and storyline set-ups...great stuff.

Some side notes...as already noted elsewhere, high school and 7th grade doesn't go well. Also you should aviod personal comments during the story itself (like when you mentioned Touya going to Tokyo University contradicts the facts because it's YOUR fanfic) and similar notes should either be explained as part of the story itself or in the comments section here. It only detracts needlessly from the story.

A big plus is the fact you took time to give a summary of all the major characters at the start of the story. This helps set the scene where and when the story is taking place.

A great start to a great story. I look forward to the next installment however pace yourself and take your time and not rush it. As mentioned by others and by your Christmas story, you have great writing skills. Best of luck, Moezy-chan

Thank you for the constructed criticism Arcademan. I'll make sure to add your points to the next chapter. And don't worry about me rushing it. I expect this story to have at least 20-25 chapters. It's going to be a long journey for our young cardcaptor. I also appreciate you reading the character summaries. Also thank you for the compliment. It's comments like that that give me the inspriation to continue writing.

Hikari B. · « **Reply #9 on:** April 30 2006, 12:17 pm »

It's looking good. ^_^ Nice with the suspense.

Ashlee · « **Reply #10 on:** May 05 2006, 03:28 am »

I love it moezy-chan. I can't wait until the next chapters. Its really good. Best Part, shower!

it was all good

moezychan · « **Reply #11 on:** May 05 2006, 05:06 am »

Thank you to all who responded. Expect the next chapter in less than a week. This is my last week of college and then I have 1 more final and I'll be done. After that inspiration will surely hit! I have it all planned out, I just need to type it up.

Ashlee · « **Reply #12 on:** May 05 2006, 06:35 am »

I can't wait ^_^ you are a really good writer!!

Jen · « **Reply #13 on:** May 16 2006, 09:18 am »

I like the opening chapter and you are a excellent writer. I am really looking forward for the next chapters

moezychan · « **Reply #14 on:** May 19 2006, 03:35 pm »

Yosh, second chapter has already been posted. Please read, comment, and give any constructed criticism you may have!

Hikari B. · « **Reply #15 on:** May 20 2006, 09:09 am »

You're doing good so far. ^^ I do wish that some paragraphs could be a bit longer. Keep going! ^^

moezychan · « **Reply #16 on:** May 20 2006, 10:59 am »

Quote from: Hikari_Blaze on May 20 2006, 09:09 am

You're doing good so far. ^^ I do wish that some paragraphs could be a bit longer. Keep going! ^^

Arigatou. ^_^ I will make the chapters and paragraphs longer as the fanfic continues. I usually start off short and then extend it.

Arcademan · « **Reply #17 on:** May 20 2006, 12:48 pm »

Great follow-up to the first chapter. I wouldn't worry too much about the length of the paragraphs since the conversation between the characters are going back and forth frequently...the story had a very good and steady flow to it.

The word 'plane' is misspelled as 'plain' but that's the only fault I've seen. You may consider using italiced letters when thoughts are being said...to show difference between thoughts and actual speech however that's more of a suggestion than a rule. I use that system in all of my online stories.

Great use of emotions between everyone and look forward to the next installment. Well done

moezychan · « **Reply #18 on:** May 20 2006, 12:55 pm »

Thank you for pointing that out, and for the suggestions. I'll consider using that in the next chapter. And I look forward to your comments on my next chapter.

Arcademan · « **Reply #19 on:** May 20 2006, 01:27 pm »

Also to add...having the doctor come out and say that Sakura 'survived' the surgery...you may want to re-phrase that comment. For some reason, that statement sounds a bit cold. Perhaps something more subtle to describe the moment may work better...like 'Sakura's surgery went well and I believe she will pull through.' or something similar to that. After all, doctors are suppose to install comfort in their words as well as medical aid.

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AuthorTopic: Runaway (Read 16008 times)

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