Your writing style is quite different from what is usually seen here, like some sort of between-poetry-and-prose; it looks like poetry, but it doesn't exactly feel like it. My first reaction after reading it was something along the lines of: "what? it ends so suddenly?", but I liked the ending better after re-reading it. However, it still was a bit sudden. The business with not being able to change the things you've done is brought up too late in the fic, I think. Perhaps you should consider planting some of these thoughts in the beginning as well, wrapping up the story nicely. Even short stories need something that tie beginning and end to each other.
Anyhow, I like the concept and the way you write, and I'm looking forward to Fai's POV.
