Heh heh..got bored, so I wrote this.
Snow White was a selfish girl,
With pale skin and ebony curls,
Sleeping in a feather bed,
What a spoiled life she led!
Looking down her nose at others,
Aunties, sisters, cousins, mothers,
“I’m the fairest of them all,
Now get on your knees and crawl!”
The savage girl would cry quite vainly,
Whilst kicking out at them insanely.
Her step-mother knew not what to do,
“That Snow White simply makes me blue!
She treats me like a servant, no,
Like something horrid on her toe,
That she wants to pick pick pick,
And when she’s got it, flick flick flick,
She's become my dreadful foe,
Enough’s enough! She has to go!
I’ll marry her off to some poor man,
I think it’ll be the woodcutter, Dan.”
And so the man was brought before her,
To discuss the marriage of her step-daughter,
“Don’t worry Queen, I’ll steal her heart!”
And he was off, quick as a dart,
Head a ringing with wedding bells,
Past the castle, town and well.
But when she to those woods was took,
Snow White just shook and shook and shook,
“I cannot marry this great clod,
For he is really rather odd,
His nose is round, his ears are big,
In fact he looks just like a pig!”
She took off running at a jog,
Leaping over pond and log,
Until Snow White was just too weary,
(And getting all pink and teary),
Then she saw a little house,
So creeping quietly like a mouse,
The spiteful girl just wandered in,
Heading for the bottle of gin,
“Ahah! She cried,
“This stuff tastes good!”
For several minutes she just stood,
Drinking down the dreadful drink,
Until her breath began to stink,
Of alcohol, just like a skunk,
O shame Snow White - for she was drunk.
That small neat house was soon a mess,
Why? I’ll let you have a guess,
You’re right! It was that naughty teen,
Out of spite, as she was mean,
Exhausted she fell upon the bed,
But before the pillow touched her head,
Snow White had fallen fast asleep,
In a rather mangled heap.
And for now we’ll leave her there,
The sunlight in her midnight hair,
To go over the hills and far away,
Where the sun is setting at the end of the day,
Where seven dwarves are marching home,
(Although I think that one’s a gnome),
Happy, Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy,
Bashful, Doc and little Dopey,
Walking on with treasure untold,
For the greedy dwarves love their gold,
They spend their days deep in a mine,
Looking for those gemstones fine,
The dwarves are home, o what a shock!
There’s Snow White sleeping like a rock!
“Just look at all the mess in here,
Someone’s drunk the gin and beer,
All the china has been broken,
And there’s a girl who’s not awoken,
It must be HER who’s done all this”,
The angry dwarves began to hiss,
“Let’s kill the girl before she wakes,
Stab her with the knives and rakes,
She cannot go unpunished, no…”
The dangerous weapons began to show.
